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Real men…
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
way for us to find the answers. I've discovered an important secret about
men — most men suffer and don't know it.
ignore our suffering, we suppress it. And when we suppress our suffering,
we deny our need. And when we deny our need, we delay our healing. And when we delay our healing, we abdicate from our journey toward real manhood. I believe any man can become a real man.
begins when a man faces his suffering…
ache of their lonely souls and to keep from being "found out." Inscribed on the lonely man's tank top, "Sissies open up. Let the games begin!"
hobbies, television, video games, surfing the net, guns, golf, fishing,
hunting, bowling, racing, running, hiking, exercise, power lifting,
basketball, football, baseball, tennis, bowling, pool, roller blades,
extreme sports — you name it we play it!
"passivity welcome." Don't misunderstand the passive man. He's not a three hundred pound couch potato with beer stains on his tee shirt whose
fingers are callused from channel surfing.
gifted performer. The passive man can make a name for himself and leave his mark on society. Yet, for all his sound and fury, passivity rules his soul.
allow part of his life to remain untouched and unmoved. And the part that
remains untouched and unmoved is the most important part — the hidden
soul, the hurting boy, the wounded warrior, the lonely seeker, the
frustrated conqueror, the disillusioned hero, the needy beggar.
rather sleep on a bed of nails than un-mask their fragile egos by admitting one moral failure ("I've sinned…"), one emotional need ("I need you…"), or one painful disappointment ("I hurt…") The passive man usually handles "tough stuff' and almost always side-steps the "vulnerable strut". Therefore, like father Adam, the passive man is forever hiding.
all men look for weapons to defend themselves. Anger is often the weapon of choice. Angry men react in one of two ways-attack or retreat.
people away. It explodes. It keeps the soul locked up. Attack works… for the moment.
time I've tried to intimidate my enemy or for every time I've withdrawn
into the basement of my soul and locked the door behind me. Both maneuvers give me a sense of winning. But it doesn't last. It's a cheap victory because nothing really changes and my soul continues to suffer.
under. To avoid being pulled out into the ocean we need an anchor. Men know their souls are unanchored and off-center. So we look for something to grab hold of a "fix"- something to stop the drift, something to make us feel secure.
exercise, food, money, sex, fantasies, fetishes, masturbation, power,
alcohol, nicotine, aggression, intelligence, politics, religion,
position… or to someone — women, lovers, prostitutes, pornography, the
seductive voice of an anonymous phone sex solicitor, cyber-sex… whatever stops the drift even for a moment Anchors have chains. And what anchors us controls us.
anchor. It's also addictive. And every man sins. Therefore, every man is
addicted to something or someone.
healthy men addicted to exercise. And all addictions don't appear harmful. I know men addicted to religion, power, and to themselves. But all addictions enslave. And once anchored (attached), we're hooked. Once hooked, we have to have it and we have to have more of it. It eases our suffering when we do it, but we're frustrated when we don't. How do addicted men cope? Not too well.
anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross
daily and follow me [Luke 9:23).
didn't ask us to carry a wooden cross on our shoulders or wear a gold cross around our necks. But He did ask us to stare death in the face every day.
selfishness or I don't. It's that simple.
breathes this prayer, "Lord, bless me real well." Every day the crucified
man breathes this prayer, "Lord, give me the courage to die well."
yourself down." The Real Man agreed. Peter was ruined. But Jesus didn't
leave Peter there. Instead He challenged him — "Follow me." And Peter
left everything and followed Him [Luke 5:11).
authentic manhood is all about. Here we see real manhood displayed in
living color. Jesus is the Father's "show and tell" about what it means to
be a real man. The cross pries my selfish hands off the control center of my life.
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phony soul who is tired of wearing masks;
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addicted soul who is exhausted from covering my tracks;
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wounded soul who is sick of being sick;
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lonely soul who is weary of pretending not to need anyone;
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depressed soul who is sick of feigning a smile;
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guilty soul who is ready to come clean;
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angry soul who longs for peace; passive soul who feels unable to move;
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arrogant soul who hates my own self-importance;
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lying soul who is tired of my deception.
love him first. His rage is gone. His heart is anchored to the Real Man. He "opens up." He allows people in. He gives himself up. He lets himself go. He admits his need. He welcomes help. He looks for ways to care.
basement of his soul. He no longer seeks his happiness first. He no longer
has to be "in control."
Relationships…
Relationship differs from each one of us. Even how hard we try. Sometimes, it just doesn't work that easily as we anticipated it.
Relationship can also grow sour. How and why? Once in the relationship we should remember the "first". The first time you met. How did he look at you and what did you say to him. All this little details that some of us neglect too. We need to keep fire burning and keep the excitement as it's highest level.
Relationship can also be learn. At first it was just physical appearance, infatuation and crushes. As this intensifies. We learn to commit and learn to love the other person. We learn to get hurt and say sorry. We learn to asked for forgiveness and to forgive. In a relationship we learn to grow.
Relationship can help you or break you. When we fall head over hells to our mate. We sometimes tend to forget ourself. We love being with each other and if time calls that one of you can't make it you tend to be mad, get upset and ends in a fight. It doesn't have to be that way. You are two people in a relationship learn to adjust and make compromises to benefit each one. Too much of anything can lead to bad things and regret is always at the end.
Relationship should brings out the best of each of you. Compliments the other and sees the right from the wrong. Being together is like the yin and the yang, the black and the white, the sun and the moon. You and your mate should blend with each other's personality and not the other way around.
Relationship can grow sweeter each day. As each of you brings out the best and compliments the other. It can also grow sweeter each day. A healthy relationship can be good to you, to your surroundings, to people whom you are with and to your mate. A little fight or misunderstanding is normal as long as you know when to stop and never hit or say things you might just regret once the storm dies down. Saying sorry will not kill you or admitting your mistakes will not jeopardizes you as a person. It takes courage to accept your mistake and saying sorry is just being human.
Relationship can grow old, work miracles and strong. It's all up to both of you to make it work. Because of love a lot of miracles can happen and a strong foundation of a relationship to make it grow old, strong and make miracles is to understand each other, trust, respect, openess and caring for the relationship you build from ground up and each other.